There it is. A Furby. Sure, it seems harmless enough but boy are you wrong!
Here is some background on these disturbing little creatures. The Furby first came out in the late 1990s. I didn't like Furbies then either. Something was just so...unnatural about the whole thing. When you get them they only speak 'Furbish', which is a disturbing language in itself. If you make it through that first day with your Furby without being frightened to death and taking that thing to the landfill to be buried deep in the earth, you will find that it starts to 'learn english' and it starts chatting with you. Its ears and eyes also move. Creepy.
Well now they came out with a Furby 2.0 that is even 'better' than the original. There's new features such as LED eyes that will portray different emotions. You can now tickle your Furby and he will laugh and giggle with you. You can also get mad at your Furby and shake him upside down and it will make him dizzy and sad. Creepy.
So what is my beef with this little monster? Um.... ever see "Tales From The Crypt?? Let me explain.
When I was young, very young, I remember sneaking downstairs late one night because I wanted to watch this show called "Tales From The Crypt" mainly because my mom told me I couldn't. So creeping down the stairs I go, turn the channel and this is the first thing I see...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am now completely paralyzed with fear. I want to reach over to the remote and turn off the TV but I just can't because that skeleton thing might be right over the edge of the chair and he will eat my hand off when I go to grab it.
Is anyone else having a panic attack right now or is it just me?
Anyway, I don't remember all of the details of that dreaded episode, but I got the main points burned into my memory forever. Basically this puppeteer guy was minding his own business when all of a sudden all of his puppets came to life and started to kill him and other people. Give me a break guys, it was a lot more terrifying that I am making it seem.
After watching that I went off the deep end. I made sure to tell my stuffed animals every night how pretty they all were and how much I loved them so that they wouldn't stab me with a 12 inch butcher knife as I slept. I would try my hardest to rotate which stuffed animals got to sleep with me and the ones that I thought were most likely to kill me got to sleep with me every night. I believe I finally asked my mom to get rid of them, not because I was outgrew them, but I was so tired of trying to stay awake to avoid a certain death, that I just couldn't take it anymore.
Then the Furby came. Now if you are a kid who is already terrified of stuffed animals who don't move, blink, or talk in their own weird language, this is the WORST possible thing that could be invented. I never had one, never even had a desire to because I just knew that taking a bath one night that Furby would come to life and throw the blow dryer in the bathtub and electrocute me. The friends that I knew that had a Furby, I simply avoided going over to their house as I would rather not see them hacked to pieces with a hatchet.
Hm... I was a weird kid, man.
I am 26 now and I should probably be over that fear of stuffed animals committing heinous murders, but just on the off chance that it might happen I definitely won't be purchasing a Furby 2.0.
Oh, and sorry Mom for sneaking downstairs and watching shows I shouldn't have watched and most likely causing you some sleepless nights. I was worried my stuffed animals would get you too. I am sure glad they didn't. :)
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