How Kate Middleton Ruined My Life
There she is. The
girl who stole my thunder and didn’t even send me a Facebook apology. Don’t get me wrong, I think that Kate it
actually pretty awesome and I guess I am happy for her and Will. It’s just that I had a pretty meticulous plan
marrying a King in my adult life and now all of that is ruined. Let me explain.
First, let me introduce you to the cast.
Prince William
Prince Harry
Now, I know that you are looking at the above pictures and
thinking “But William is bald, why would you want to marry him?? Harry is obviously the cute one!” And I completely agree with you, really I do! I love everything about Harry. He has red hair, he parties too much, and he
is a total bad ass. 3 things I happen to
love in a guy! I have nothing in common
with Will. He is responsible and always
says the right thing, we would definitely not get along. But there is one thing that Will has that
Harry doesn’t. The Thrown. And considering I am pretty selfish and my
morals tend to sway to the lower end of the spectrum, Will is the obvious
choice of the two.
Here is how I thought my life would go.
1. Meet
Will
2. He
obviously falls in love with my stunning personality and charm
3. So
does Harry J
4. I
harmlessly flirt my tushy off with Harry, but know if I want to own the thrown
I need to marry will
5. Marry
Will
6. Have
a scandalous affair with Harry
7. Get
preggers. It is Harry’s baby and not
Will’s… *gasp*
8. I
live with the secret until Will is involved in a freak polo accident. It is on his death bed that I confess the
truth to him
9. Will
tells me that he knew I should have been with Harry all along, and when he dies
he wants me to marry him and be happy.
10. Will
dies.
11. Me
and Harry begin planning our happily ever after.
12. All
of England
13. After
becoming Queen years later the scandal is discovered and I am beheaded. This makes me very famous.
14. Scarlett
Johansson plays me in a movie.
So although I am happy that Kate and Will are together
because they actually seem in love, I am just bummed that I have to come up an
entirely different life plan. *Sigh* Maybe I should write for soap operas or choose something that wouldnt involve a beheading.
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