26

One week from today I will be turning 26 years old.  To say that I don't cope well with birthdays is a significant understatement.  It isn't so much the number that freaks me out, it is the haunting thoughts of "this isn't where I thought I would be in my life at this age."  This causes crying, whining, curling up in the fetal position, and a severe case of denial.

If you were to ask the 18 year old Quana where she would be at 26, she would have told you that she would be married with children and living back in my home town as a CPA.  For those of you that know the 25 year old Quana, this plan did not work out.

Every year I beat myself up thinking I am not where I am supposed to be in my life, and this year I finally realized that I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my life.  I have the most wonderful family anyone could ever ask for.  Their unwavering support for me means so much.  My friends are the best that anyone could have.  I have a car that is paid for, I have a wonderful job that I love going to every day, and I live in a country where I can go to sleep at night knowing I will be safe.

So why do I put myself down with thoughts of "everyone else is married" and "all of my friends are pregnant"?  Now, please don't get me wrong, I am so happy for all of my friends that are getting married and having children.  Most of the time I am simply jealous of you all.  But when I really sit down and think about it, I am in no way ready for any of that.  I will be someday, but not today.

This year for my birthday gift to myself, I am going to quit putting a timeline on my life and just go with the flow.  Things will happen when they happen, and in the mean time I am going to make sure I have as much fun as I can.

Happy birthday to me :)