It is no secret that my dear friend Jessica Schwager is one of the closest people to me on this planet. That is no surprise considering we email each other almost every day. I just love that girl because I can literally tell her ANYTHING and I know that she has my back 100%.
Well as serious as some of our emails are, we also share a lot of laughs. I honestly wish that we could just make out emails public because they are so hysterical and they really show how completely awesome we are, but we cant for the following reasons.
1. We talk too much shit and too much sex.
2. Mama Wendy and Mama Schwag would not approve.
3. Multiple people would defriend us on Facebook.
4. We would forever be single.
But I just couldnt resist sharing some of my favorite PG quotes with all of you. I have decided not to tell you all if it was me or Jessica that said it, that way if there is something on here that would disappoint our mothers, then we can just blame it on each other.
They say that laughter is the best medicine, and because of this girl I have probably added 10 years to my lifespan.
Enjoy!
I don't know why I hate the world...maybe it's because I'm pale.
Let's just Thelma and Louise it and drive off a cliff.
There is a 98% chance I will get drunk and punch her in the throat.
BLUE BANANA WHAT IS HAPPENING!
I have no idea how to act. I'm so much cooler via text message
Yay day drinking!!!!!
I am going back to denial now.
That's my goal in life: be funnier and more successful on Facebook than in real life.
Just say "I meant to text you a while ago but I have been jetting around the country drinking thousand dollar champagne and partying with Usher"... or whatever you have been doing
Not that I dont want him to be successful but my life seemed so much cooler when he was struggling. Blah.
Did you know that he is a KARAOKE KING??? No shizzle
I literally give myself a pat on the back for breaking up with him
He looks like a muppet and that also makes me uncomfortable
The reason you were drinking on a Tuesday night is why we are friends
So Drunky Pants over here (me) decided that I would text him, wft is wrong with me?
Which who am I kidding. I honestly got lazy on the "shaving the legs" thing again, so that has
been about two... ok fine, three weeks ago... and I am whiter than Casper the friendly ghost. And I wonder why I am single...
....have you really not shaved your legs for three weeks....I'M GAGGING RIGHT NOW. The pale thing is fine. Being pale is hawt. (because it means no skin cancer). But the legs? girlllll.
We are way too cool not to invite places. Let's start having our own parties.
I just read your blog. I concurr that you do, indeed, have a brain tumor. There was not a hint of sarcasm anywhere to be found in that email. You, my friend, probably only have days to live. OH... MY... GOD... this will be just like the movie Beaches!! You will be all sad and pale and dying and I will come and live and take care of you in your fabulous beach house and then raise you kid after
you die and I will sing at your funeral!
Your inability to say no happens to be one of the 867 things I like
most about you. In fact, if you had the ability to say no, you would
have told that crazy drunk girl (me) all those years ago that you
would NOT be going pee with her. Thank goodness you didnt!!
Otherwise, we would probably not be friends today. :)
Beard - check. Hilariousness - check. I think he has a cat - check
Are you coming to NE anytime soon? Or do I have to drive my honky ass through a toll booth and
come and visit you?
Holy shit, this is a lifetime murder/stalker movie in the making, I
just know it. You will be the friend that knew I should have been
institutionalized and didnt do it...
That girl should just stick to wearing minimal clothing,
humping big plastic white dogs and singing. I mean, come on girl,
lets play on your strengths.
I think I should buy a tapeworm online and then I can eat whatever I
want. I am going to go and google what the chances of that killing me
are.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
SWF
This morning as I rolled out of bed the sun was shining the birds were chirping and I was ready to conquer the day! I go to the kitchen and pour myself a bowl of cheerios and sit down to take my first bite and my mom slams a magazine down on the table and says, "this guy looks nice."
I needed a little more than 10 minutes of consciousness before tackling this conversation but I was still delirious from sleep and mistakenly said "huh?" Then she said the last thing I was expecting to hear on a Saturday morning, "Its a personal ad!"
Holy shit.
I pick up the magazine and, honestly, the guy sounds decent enough. He likes camping, motorcycles, said he was raised with a good work ethic, all that great stuff. He is also tall, 35 and "looking for a nice gal." Well I can see where my mother thought this could be my soul mate with me being a nice gal and all.
My next fear was that my mom went out and purchased a magazine full of personal ads and was going to try to get me to write to one of them. I mean, I know that lady needs some grand kids, but its not like she is the only one that can hear my clock ticking. So trembling with fear I flip to the front cover and you will never guess what magazine it is... Rural Electric Nebraskan.
Holy shit.
Not only is there a magazine that provides you with up to date information on all of your electricity needs, but the last page is totally dedicated to person ads! I am entirely fascinated by this! There are guys and gals, young and old, tall and short, smoker and non-smokers. This is a wide variety of people looking for companionship!
Now, please don't get me wrong. I am in no way making fun of anyone that would put out a personal ad or that does any type of Internet dating. I think that if you find someone that you love, it really doesn't matter how you meet. Honestly good for these people for putting themselves out there!
Now I am sure you are wondering if I am actually going to write to this guy. Well, I am still recovering from an eHarmony incident that I might be brave enough, or drunk enough, to tell you about someday. But today is not that day. Tomorrow ain't looking good either. Sorry folks.
So am I going to answer this personal ad? Wouldn't you like to know :)
I needed a little more than 10 minutes of consciousness before tackling this conversation but I was still delirious from sleep and mistakenly said "huh?" Then she said the last thing I was expecting to hear on a Saturday morning, "Its a personal ad!"
Holy shit.
I pick up the magazine and, honestly, the guy sounds decent enough. He likes camping, motorcycles, said he was raised with a good work ethic, all that great stuff. He is also tall, 35 and "looking for a nice gal." Well I can see where my mother thought this could be my soul mate with me being a nice gal and all.
My next fear was that my mom went out and purchased a magazine full of personal ads and was going to try to get me to write to one of them. I mean, I know that lady needs some grand kids, but its not like she is the only one that can hear my clock ticking. So trembling with fear I flip to the front cover and you will never guess what magazine it is... Rural Electric Nebraskan.
Holy shit.
Not only is there a magazine that provides you with up to date information on all of your electricity needs, but the last page is totally dedicated to person ads! I am entirely fascinated by this! There are guys and gals, young and old, tall and short, smoker and non-smokers. This is a wide variety of people looking for companionship!
Now, please don't get me wrong. I am in no way making fun of anyone that would put out a personal ad or that does any type of Internet dating. I think that if you find someone that you love, it really doesn't matter how you meet. Honestly good for these people for putting themselves out there!
Now I am sure you are wondering if I am actually going to write to this guy. Well, I am still recovering from an eHarmony incident that I might be brave enough, or drunk enough, to tell you about someday. But today is not that day. Tomorrow ain't looking good either. Sorry folks.
So am I going to answer this personal ad? Wouldn't you like to know :)
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Things I did today
In no particular order.
1. Went and watched Drew play in his basketball tournament. I love seeing the future of the West Boyd Spartans and I must say that future is looking good. They of course got first place :)
2. I ate Subway with my mom. I love getting to have lunch with my mom, and I also love Subway. Combine the two and I am in heaven.
3. I went on a bike ride with Paige. Not a vroom vroom bike, but a pedal bike. If I had a vroom vroom bike I would definitely not be back yet and blogging. We rode around town, hung out and got some fresh air. It felt so great to be out and enjoying the beautiful weather.
4. I broke a nail. Damn.
5. I watched the UNC vs. Kansas game. I am totally pumped that Kansas won and I am predicting that they will win the entire tournament.
6. My wonderful friend Jessica Schwager texted me and told me to "Watch The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Now." Well, she sent me that text last night but I finally got around to it today and I must say I had to watch it a few times. The first time I was stunned into silence, the second time it made me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry. And the third time I was pretty sure I saw an ex-boyfriend.... just kidding! :) Kinda....
7. I have panicked 7 times at the thought that I am going to go to my first day at Barbie's Boot Camp tomorrow. Eeek! I will let you all know how that goes. But if you don't hear from me in the next week, she killed me. No one let Moose go and live with my sister, she is on the verge of being a cat hoarder.
9. My dad got a boat. Well I guess it could be called a boat along with a few other names I am sure. It is shifty and definitely not sea worthy, but I suppose when the land in Inman floods it will be fun to have around and also get us around the bayou. I took a little spin in that bad boy today. Well, not so much a spin as there is no motor, but I did sit in it, had dad tie a rope to me and push me out while he held on so I didnt float away. I was sure drowning was in my future. Aside from the leaks and being sure that the Anti-Christ is living in the bottom of that black murky water it was fun. I think I might try to do some fishing in that vessel this summer. I just need an oar and a can of liquid rubber.
8. I am now settling in for the night to watch 60 Minutes and the Amazing Race. Sunday nights are the only night of the week I get to act like a 90 yeard old woman and go to bed by 8:30.
Good Night Ya'll!
1. Went and watched Drew play in his basketball tournament. I love seeing the future of the West Boyd Spartans and I must say that future is looking good. They of course got first place :)
2. I ate Subway with my mom. I love getting to have lunch with my mom, and I also love Subway. Combine the two and I am in heaven.
3. I went on a bike ride with Paige. Not a vroom vroom bike, but a pedal bike. If I had a vroom vroom bike I would definitely not be back yet and blogging. We rode around town, hung out and got some fresh air. It felt so great to be out and enjoying the beautiful weather.
4. I broke a nail. Damn.
5. I watched the UNC vs. Kansas game. I am totally pumped that Kansas won and I am predicting that they will win the entire tournament.
6. My wonderful friend Jessica Schwager texted me and told me to "Watch The Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia. Now." Well, she sent me that text last night but I finally got around to it today and I must say I had to watch it a few times. The first time I was stunned into silence, the second time it made me want to crawl into the fetal position and cry. And the third time I was pretty sure I saw an ex-boyfriend.... just kidding! :) Kinda....
7. I have panicked 7 times at the thought that I am going to go to my first day at Barbie's Boot Camp tomorrow. Eeek! I will let you all know how that goes. But if you don't hear from me in the next week, she killed me. No one let Moose go and live with my sister, she is on the verge of being a cat hoarder.
9. My dad got a boat. Well I guess it could be called a boat along with a few other names I am sure. It is shifty and definitely not sea worthy, but I suppose when the land in Inman floods it will be fun to have around and also get us around the bayou. I took a little spin in that bad boy today. Well, not so much a spin as there is no motor, but I did sit in it, had dad tie a rope to me and push me out while he held on so I didnt float away. I was sure drowning was in my future. Aside from the leaks and being sure that the Anti-Christ is living in the bottom of that black murky water it was fun. I think I might try to do some fishing in that vessel this summer. I just need an oar and a can of liquid rubber.
8. I am now settling in for the night to watch 60 Minutes and the Amazing Race. Sunday nights are the only night of the week I get to act like a 90 yeard old woman and go to bed by 8:30.
Good Night Ya'll!
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
The Red Velvet Cake War
Every year, the O'Neill Friends of the Library hold a fundraiser. They get a group of volunteers to put on a play and they do a dinner theater and a matinee. And this year, yours truly is participating.
One night I got a call from Mary Miller who said that she heard I was a thespian. Ha! Drama Queen, yes. Thespian, not so much. But she thought I would be perfect for the part and she had me sold on it when she said that I got to fight her on stage.
It was a little scary saying yes, as I haven't acted since high school, and even then I don't think that I knew what I was doing by any means, I just got up there and said some lines. But this time it is different. I am totally feeling this part and I cant wait to portray her on stage.
I will be playing the part of Bitsy, a southern firecracker who is after a man whose wife has only been dead a week. I am blingy, loud, man hungry.... ok, I am basically playing me but with a little southern drawl. :)
Our play is called "The Red Velvet Cake War" It is the story of three cousins and the shenanigans that they get themselves into while trying to host a family reunion. This is a laugh out loud hysterical play!! It is so hard to keep a straight face in practice. Needless to say, you should probably use the restroom before sitting down to watch our play.
I think what also makes it so great is that I am working with the best cast and crew that a girl could ask for. They are supportive, funny, organized, and I feel like we are turning into a small family. I seriously couldn't be working with a greater group of people.
So mark off April 28th on your calendars and stop by and support the library and us hard working volunteers. I promise it will be well worth your time.
Oh, and I am still needing a fan club president if anyone would like to volunteer :)
One night I got a call from Mary Miller who said that she heard I was a thespian. Ha! Drama Queen, yes. Thespian, not so much. But she thought I would be perfect for the part and she had me sold on it when she said that I got to fight her on stage.
It was a little scary saying yes, as I haven't acted since high school, and even then I don't think that I knew what I was doing by any means, I just got up there and said some lines. But this time it is different. I am totally feeling this part and I cant wait to portray her on stage.
I will be playing the part of Bitsy, a southern firecracker who is after a man whose wife has only been dead a week. I am blingy, loud, man hungry.... ok, I am basically playing me but with a little southern drawl. :)
Our play is called "The Red Velvet Cake War" It is the story of three cousins and the shenanigans that they get themselves into while trying to host a family reunion. This is a laugh out loud hysterical play!! It is so hard to keep a straight face in practice. Needless to say, you should probably use the restroom before sitting down to watch our play.
I think what also makes it so great is that I am working with the best cast and crew that a girl could ask for. They are supportive, funny, organized, and I feel like we are turning into a small family. I seriously couldn't be working with a greater group of people.
So mark off April 28th on your calendars and stop by and support the library and us hard working volunteers. I promise it will be well worth your time.
Oh, and I am still needing a fan club president if anyone would like to volunteer :)
Friday, March 2, 2012
1999
The other day Quinn and I were talking about a girl that she went to high school with. I of course couldn't place this person so I went to my dependable resort when faced with these circumstances, my high school year books.
I went straight for the 1999 year book. I was in 7th grade and it was my first year book.
Right away I went to the class pictures so that I could figure out who this girl was that I couldn't quite place. The next thing I know I am blasted into the past where bangs ruled the universe and Adidas shirts were cool.
There is a certain someone who has a big pink heart around their picture. I immediately remember that feeling of my first big junior high crush. All I can say is thank god for unanswered prayers :)
As I am getting lost in memories and wondering where some people are and what they are doing with their lives, I suddenly remember that people signed my yearbook! Oh this is where things get interesting. Here are a few of my favorites. (I am choosing to exclude last names to save people from the embarrassment of things they may have written in junior high)
"Quana, you're a little weird, but a swell friend. P.S. What is your home planet? Haha. Just joking" - Matthew. I firmly believe that this guy will run for president some day. And yes, I will be voting for him... even though he called me weird.
"Quana. Damn you're hot" - Trenton. God love that man.
"Quana, you're an awesome friend! Never change. (Fight for Froggy Rights!) - Amy. I wish I could remember the inside joke to this, dang it.
"Stooper Head" - Dani. She was my best friend and I miss her.
And of course there is the typical "I signed your crack" and "04 Rulz". I wish I could share then all because they are all funny and sentimental to me. My favorites are the ones from my great girlfriends that I had, and of course anyone that said I was pretty :)
Oh and my high school boyfriend deserves a Pulitzer for what he wrote in my year books. I am pretty sure if we had gotten married we could have just taken the wedding vows straight from our yearbooks... oh wait... I think I told him what to write :)
I highly recommend preparing your self mentally if you choose to open up your yearbooks and take a trip down memory lane. With the good always comes the bad. The fights, the break ups, realizing who you lost touch with, and of course seeing the faces of those that are not with us anymore.
Oh I just found one more that I love.
"Quana, you have been a great friend for this long trip that we have taken together. I can always talk to you and you're able to make my day complete. We've had so many good memories even though we always tend to argue with each other. Whenever we are in Kamerzell's courtroom I will always kick your butt. Have fun this year and stay out of trouble and do all of the activities that I do. PS never change who you are for someone else and never forget me." - Jay. He was always one that was wise beyond his years, that is pretty darn good for a 15 year old.
To the class of 2004, I hope that you have all accomplished what you wanted to. I hope you are all happy and healthy. And I hope I didn't make you paranoid wondering what you may have wrote in someone's yearbook when you were 15 :)
I went straight for the 1999 year book. I was in 7th grade and it was my first year book.
Right away I went to the class pictures so that I could figure out who this girl was that I couldn't quite place. The next thing I know I am blasted into the past where bangs ruled the universe and Adidas shirts were cool.
There is a certain someone who has a big pink heart around their picture. I immediately remember that feeling of my first big junior high crush. All I can say is thank god for unanswered prayers :)
As I am getting lost in memories and wondering where some people are and what they are doing with their lives, I suddenly remember that people signed my yearbook! Oh this is where things get interesting. Here are a few of my favorites. (I am choosing to exclude last names to save people from the embarrassment of things they may have written in junior high)
"Quana, you're a little weird, but a swell friend. P.S. What is your home planet? Haha. Just joking" - Matthew. I firmly believe that this guy will run for president some day. And yes, I will be voting for him... even though he called me weird.
"Quana. Damn you're hot" - Trenton. God love that man.
"Quana, you're an awesome friend! Never change. (Fight for Froggy Rights!) - Amy. I wish I could remember the inside joke to this, dang it.
"Stooper Head" - Dani. She was my best friend and I miss her.
And of course there is the typical "I signed your crack" and "04 Rulz". I wish I could share then all because they are all funny and sentimental to me. My favorites are the ones from my great girlfriends that I had, and of course anyone that said I was pretty :)
Oh and my high school boyfriend deserves a Pulitzer for what he wrote in my year books. I am pretty sure if we had gotten married we could have just taken the wedding vows straight from our yearbooks... oh wait... I think I told him what to write :)
I highly recommend preparing your self mentally if you choose to open up your yearbooks and take a trip down memory lane. With the good always comes the bad. The fights, the break ups, realizing who you lost touch with, and of course seeing the faces of those that are not with us anymore.
Oh I just found one more that I love.
"Quana, you have been a great friend for this long trip that we have taken together. I can always talk to you and you're able to make my day complete. We've had so many good memories even though we always tend to argue with each other. Whenever we are in Kamerzell's courtroom I will always kick your butt. Have fun this year and stay out of trouble and do all of the activities that I do. PS never change who you are for someone else and never forget me." - Jay. He was always one that was wise beyond his years, that is pretty darn good for a 15 year old.
To the class of 2004, I hope that you have all accomplished what you wanted to. I hope you are all happy and healthy. And I hope I didn't make you paranoid wondering what you may have wrote in someone's yearbook when you were 15 :)
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Where in the Heck Have I Been?
Someone recently asked me "where in the heck have you been?" Well... uh... right here. To which they commented that they wanted to know why I haven't been blogging. I think this means I have a fan. Don't worry I wont get a big head. Well, honestly I have been just a little busy, so the blogging has taken a back seat for a while.
I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I have been known to have a flare for the dramatics... no? No surprise? Oh... Well then it wouldn't be a surprise to you either that I will be playing the part of Bitsy in "The Red Velvet Cake War" for the O'Neill Friends of the Library play that is done as a fundraiser each year. This is going to be a good one! It is smart and funny and I am so excited to be a part of it. Bitsy is a snooty little firecracker who is after a man and is determined to get him. I am working with such a talented and funny group of people and I cant wait for our performances!
Not to long ago I was asked to serve as a Teammates board member. So we have been meeting once a month. Right now we are working on raising funds so that we are able to provide matches in O'Neill and our surrounding communities. Teammates is such a great program and there are definitely kids in this area that need it. If anyone is interested in being a Teammate please let me know and I can get you some information.
I have also been working on passing LB840 in O'Neill. This is something that I would like to do a separate blog post on so I wont go into a lot of detail right now.
More information will be coming in detail on all of these different activities, but for now I just wanted to catch everyone up on where I have been.
I am busy, busy, busy but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Well this is my one night at home this week so I am going to go and enjoy it. :)
I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I have been known to have a flare for the dramatics... no? No surprise? Oh... Well then it wouldn't be a surprise to you either that I will be playing the part of Bitsy in "The Red Velvet Cake War" for the O'Neill Friends of the Library play that is done as a fundraiser each year. This is going to be a good one! It is smart and funny and I am so excited to be a part of it. Bitsy is a snooty little firecracker who is after a man and is determined to get him. I am working with such a talented and funny group of people and I cant wait for our performances!
Not to long ago I was asked to serve as a Teammates board member. So we have been meeting once a month. Right now we are working on raising funds so that we are able to provide matches in O'Neill and our surrounding communities. Teammates is such a great program and there are definitely kids in this area that need it. If anyone is interested in being a Teammate please let me know and I can get you some information.
I have also been working on passing LB840 in O'Neill. This is something that I would like to do a separate blog post on so I wont go into a lot of detail right now.
More information will be coming in detail on all of these different activities, but for now I just wanted to catch everyone up on where I have been.
I am busy, busy, busy but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Well this is my one night at home this week so I am going to go and enjoy it. :)
Friday, December 2, 2011
Santa Baby....
To my friends and family with endless amounts of money that haven't shopped for me yet, here is my Christmas wish list to you. :)
Who does want to wake up to a puppy under their Christmas tree!! A Cocker Spaniel please, and I will name it Choby.
Aren't these Old Gringo Elvis Boots simply delicious?? I would probably sleep in these things.
And I would love a copy of Stephen King's new book 11/22/1963. Actually, I love any book. I think that a book is the best give you can give.
A 1957 Chevy Bel Air. Can you picture me with a scarf around my hair and some Jackie O sunglasses on? No?? Oh.. well how about...
A Harley Davidson Fat Boy! I will look awesome cruising down the open road on this beast. What's that?? Oh, why yes I do happen to be a horrible driver. You don't think its safe and I would be a hazard?? Ok, fine...
How about gifts that wouldn't involve me risking the lives of others.
Like an iPad 2!! No bodily harm can possibly result from one of these.
And to go along with my iPad I should probably get a new iPhone so I can stay in touch with all my peeps and tweeps :)
But if you have endless money and you truly love me you will get me this for Christmas...
*Sigh* Kenny Chesney...... (Santa hat optional)
Now, for some realistic gifts that are on my wish list this year.
And when it doubt, I <3 RumChata.
All jokes aside, I hope that when you are scurrying to get Christmas presents in order, making food, preparing for family to arrive, please enjoy every minute of it, even the little disasters that happen. Life is far to short to be stressed out over the holidays. Take time to enjoy it with family, take lots of pictures, and enjoy the laughter. And remember, the best gift that you can give to anyone is your love, and it doesn't cost a thing :) Happy Holidays Everyone!!
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